Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
