giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
