My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
