Will you blow on my dice?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
