Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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