the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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