I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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