okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im holly from the hills drunk
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
