Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
