Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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