Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
