Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
