you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
