dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
