3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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