Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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