i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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