I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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