so let's talk penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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