shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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