Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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