It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
