my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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