rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
