It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
