You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
