forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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