shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
