Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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