So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
