the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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