went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
