He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
