when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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