Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
