I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
