Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
