She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize