i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i think i have two assholes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
