my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
