I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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