if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Randomize
