It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize