Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had to cum in my sink.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
