I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You can't motorboat a personality
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
