i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
