WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize