You're my little dorito
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
