Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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