just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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