She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
