Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
