When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
