saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
