this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
