I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
