you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Small penises have feelings too.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
