Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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