Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
