Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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