Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
