I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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