what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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