but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
