When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize