Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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