hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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