can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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