I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
